Thursday, 29 July 2010

Good News comes in Twos

I have two pieces of moderately good news.

Firstly I finally got round to phoning the university to find out whether I had managed to get anything out of years 2005 - 2009 apart from crippling debt and a few dickhead mates. Astoundingly I actually managed to speak to someone who actually seemed coherent enough to understand what I was saying and reply in a manner which hinted at some knowledge of the university system. This is a definite first for my dealings with the London Metropolitan University admin department, usually they deal with my queries with the efficiency and enthusiasm of a depressed paraplegic on valium. But I shouldn't really grumble because the nice lady told me I had achieved a 2:2 with honours which was pretty special news for a goon like me. Of course I phoned my mother straight away and she sounded genuinely happy, I got a funny warm feeling inside which I think might have been pride but could also have been indigestion as I'd just had a cheese and ham panini.

Next piece of news... I have found somewhere to live for the next 4 months of saving. It's a house share in Perivale which is a desolate no mans land between what looks like gypsy farmland and the Hanger Lane Gyratory. It's idyllic of course. My room is about the size of a bus shelter with a mattress on the floor and some hooks on the wall to hang up clothes. Some positives though, they have a cleaning rota and the telly lives in the garden - my new Iranian landlord explained the process of covering it up with a plastic bag when it rains. I think I might just read more.

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Dating in the Dark

Tonight I watched Dating in the Dark on Living with my friends. Its a programme where three men (one minging one fit one edgy / fucking weird) and three women (one minging one fit one fat) date each other in a blacked out room so they cant see what one another other look like and then have to pick one to see in the light by personality and touch to potentially date. Then to make it even more amazing they have to decide whether the one they picked to see is worth not completely screwing over and shaming on telly by saying they want to go on a proper date with them. In the light. Where they can see each others actual faces.

Absolutely amazing television! My friend Boo said that if she went on Dating in the Dark she'd bandage down her boobs and pretend to be a prepubescent child to freak them out. We could make a whole new concept out of it use it as a peado trap. The ones that are into it get taken away and the ones who aren't into it go free. It's just a shame it wasn't around a few years ago, we could have caught Gary Glitter out on the celebrity special.

Monday, 26 July 2010

Whiskey Mondays

Today I borrowed £4.50 from the NSPCC snack box in work to pay for a quartercut bottle of whiskey to drown my sorrows on a Monday night. Except Im three quarters of the way through the bottle and my sorrows arnt even paddling yet let alone dead by drowning. I think next time I should steal more and buy half a bottle. Oops, I mean borrow.

Yes money should be appearing back in my life on Wednesday when I pick up the remainder of my things from my recently ex boyfriends lovely new house. He's agreed to lend me £30 until payday which is a lot more than I deserve after dumping him in a park 2 weeks ago, telling him that i'm leaving the country indefinatly in 3 months and thats all after promising to spend the rest of my life with him a month earlier. Especially seen as I already owe him £600. Yes, I am a cunt. A skint and vunerable cunt but a cunt none the less.

I've spent the last weekend cleaning out my lovely room in my lovely flat with my lovely housemates in preperation for the next 3 months of saving for the big travelling adventure which I am about to embark on. Only it doesnt seem like I'm about to embark on anything much except lonlieness and despression in a shit stained bedsit in West London, which I still havent found, so maybe it wont be shitstained. But it probobly will. It's starting to become pretty obvious that Im not 100% sure Ive made the right decision. But as my ever understanding and sympathetic friend Charlotte said to me earlier, 'well you've made your bed Hannah, now you better fucking lay in it'. Cheers mate.

So I owe the little kids at the NSPCC £4 plus the Yorkie and Packet of salt and vinegars which I pinched today, which makes it £5.10. I owe my landlord £100 and my ex boyfriend £600, soon to be £630. I owe some horrible debt collecting company £24 for some bills I must have fucked up 2 years ago, plus court charges which Ive probobly incurred by now - I'd know for sure if I had the balls to open thier letters / answer thier phone calls / generally be a grown up and sort my shit out. Grand total of £756.10 owed. Not to mention the thousands of pounds student debt I've aquired without actually bothering to find out if I managed to scrape a degree yet, 2 years after I should have been throwing that gay fucking cap in the air and making my parents proud. Oh yeah and I owe myself some self respect. I think i'll put that one on the back burner.